Much has been made over Section 1233 of House Bill HR 3200, the section with alleged euthanasia policy.
The obvious question to be asked is: should euthanasia be our principle health care policy?
The answer, resoundingly, is yes.
The U.S. Senate Committee on Health, Education, Labor & Pensions met today to discuss the controversial section of the bill. Obvious ethical questions arose, but none prohibited the group from approving policy with a 21-1 vote.
“We feel that this was a step in a positive direction,” said Committee Chairman Tom Harkin (D). “There were a number of studies conducted and the medical costs to keep the sixty-something-year-olds alive are astounding. A hip replacement here, a quadruple bypass there – they’re going to die anyway, so we might as well pull the plug before they digress back into diapers.”
The lone dissent was from Alaskan Senator Lisa Murkowski (R) who stated that euthanasia was still way too expensive and that it would be more effective to “truck all of the old people into the great state of Alaska, where they can be dumped in the wilderness to fend for themselves.”
The Senator also stated that the dead bodies could be used to feed polar bears, or provide fertilizer to the barren tundra making the region better suited for agriculture.
To catch local reaction of the passing of the bill by the Senate Committee, our crews managed to make it to a town hall meeting in the North Shore suburb of Lake Forest, Illinois. The meeting began shortly after 4 P.M., when the local congressman Mark Star began the meeting by addressing the crowd, “Hello, on behalf of congressional district 115, I would like to welcome you to this town-hall meeting to discus House Bill HR 3200.”
Shortly after the congressman began to discus the bill, a heckler stood up, unfurled a poster and shouted, “Why do you support a Nazi health plan? Euthanizing is the first step to genocide. You should be ashamed of yourself.” There was a gasp as peopled looked at the poster; which had a printed picture of an African-American man with an ink-splotch on the area between his upper-lip and nose. However, the name under the poster, Adolf Obama, was not found in our internet registry. Pending further investigation, we are unable to identify the man on the poster.
The crowd awaited the congressman Star’s reaction, who responded to the heckler with kind words, encouraging the woman to sit down. She refused, proclaiming, “I will not adhere to your fascist demands.” The congressman pulled out a sawed-off shotgun from his suit coat and shot the heckler in the chest, which the crowd enthusiastically applauded. In an effort to carry on with his speech, congressman Star acknowledged his supporters with a wave and declared “She was getting on all of our nerves wasn’t she.”
“I just don’t get it,” Gregory Restil said. “I talked with Congressman Star when he was running for election. I told him that I was about to undergo my second quadruple by-pass and that I was going to fight until my last breath, to, uh, make sure that I could be euthanized. But it was too late, I had the surgery and now I have to live.”
“Wait a minute. This ‘euthanasia’ is not legal? What are they doing at the rehabilitation center?” Peter Barac slowly evaded our staff in his walker before we could follow up his comment.
We caught up with the spokesperson for the Senior Citizens of Lake Forest, Margaret Anderson, who offered a statement. “We have been following the legislative process very closely, and I think they might have finally gotten it right. The seniors might not have to ‘fall’ down the stairs anymore, because lets face it, nobody dies from broken hips anymore. They are sick of playing chess and pretending to fall asleep when family comes in to visit them – it’s truly quite simple, they want to be injected with poison and quickly have their respiratory systems collapse.”
We were able to catch up with congressman Star after the meeting to address the seniors concerns.
“You know, there are a lot of ethical questions that we dealt with when drafting the bill, especially section 1233,” the congressman told us. “Our biggest question was which drug company we wanted to contract this job out to. I’ve received campaign contributions from both Mizer and Maggot Laboratories, so I guess the decision is going to come down to which one will give me the best chance of getting re-elected.”
It appears that the government has finally connected with the will of the people on the policy of euthanasia.
“Our interest is the American people,” said Harkin. “We will stop at nothing until we can pass a law that gives the senior citizens what they want. I’m tired of going into nursing home after nursing home, and hearing the horror stories of these people going through countless surgeries, only to wake up back in their rooms to live for another ten to fifteen years. It time we finally put them, you know, the old people and their stories, to rest.”
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Once again we have reached, yet another, fake-news article.
ReplyDeleteIt's effective though, because it actually deals with a real issue - that being health care.
I figure that if you want to educate people, or talk about an issue, you need to do it through deception. You need to trick people into learning.
If you have in fact read this, hopefully you will laugh at it, perhaps say "this is ridiculous!"
Well, the same can be said for the idiotic attacks on health care right now - you should laugh those off too.